A Texas Farmer and his Divorce:

A Texas farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce.
The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."
The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."
The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John
Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO
YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

Students in a psychology class at a southern university were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
"In order to establish some parameters," the professor said to a student from Alabama, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," replied the student.
"And what is the opposite of depression?", the professor asked a young lady from Mississippi.
"Elation," she answered.
"And you, young man," he said to a student from Texas. "What about the opposite of woe?"
"Well, sir, I believe that'd be 'giddy-up'," the Texan replied.

A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired of him.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!

Regarding the year 2020, a senior at Texas Tech was overheard saying, "If he end of the world comes, I hope to be in West Texas. Everything happens here 20 years later than the rest of the civilized world!"

The young Texas rancher came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?

The young rancher answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

NEWS FLASH! - Bryan, Texas-----Texas's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M University students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today in College Station. Texas search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.